this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
