i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
