would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
