if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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