Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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