I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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