Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Barsexuality is the new black.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
