You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize