dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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