It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
