oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
