he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
