Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
