I wish I only lived at night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
