i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
