when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
