I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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