i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
