The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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