Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
