Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
