Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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