i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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