do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
