Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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