I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
