he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize