I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
