so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize