I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize