she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
