Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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