Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
