dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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