Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
