Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
