If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
