Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
