I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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