ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
