Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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