Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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