i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I intend to get homeless drunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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