sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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