Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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