I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish i was in the wii world.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
