I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.