This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
