My friends, they love my intelligence
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just gargled with NyQuil