Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Now it won't go down.

  (512): View more from Texas

  You've got a gift.

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  (204): Now it won't go down. (512): You've got a gift. http://tfl.nu/m37i
  Replies (2) Good night (1479) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I haven't been laid since Bush was president.

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  (707): I haven't been laid since Bush was president. http://tfl.nu/3tqj
  Replies (33) Good night (597) Bad night (2945)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.

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  (313): That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve. http://tfl.nu/vdk5
  Replies (16) Good night (996) Bad night (2852)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.

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  (570): I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it. http://tfl.nu/aapx
  Replies (26) Good night (3681) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

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  (612): I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk http://tfl.nu/r6qp
  Replies (8) Good night (4780) Bad night (1335)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.

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  (208): My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done. http://tfl.nu/2aew
  Replies (23) Good night (4260) Bad night (2060)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her

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  (347): She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her http://tfl.nu/h5zu
  Replies (10) Good night (4648) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.

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  (803): He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face. http://tfl.nu/7qv4
  Replies (21) Good night (1420) Bad night (5467)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.

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  (949): Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude. http://tfl.nu/kuta
  Replies (6) Good night (2299) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation

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  (931): I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation http://tfl.nu/adcz
  Replies (7) Good night (2163) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.

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  (715): On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good. http://tfl.nu/74vq
  Replies (11) Good night (1415) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.

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  (410): One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes. http://tfl.nu/j23w
  Replies (0) Good night (429) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.

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  (907): I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams. http://tfl.nu/1yko
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.

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  (707): You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting. http://tfl.nu/dgl2
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.

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  (347): I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick. http://tfl.nu/ta70
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (221)

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