Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.