we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.