Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
