He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you had me at cake vodka
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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