What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
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