Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
