First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
