Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
