need another drink. this is the easiest way
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize