So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize