Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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