I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
