so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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