just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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