The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
