Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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