So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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