And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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