Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
