she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
send nudes
from the living room?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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