Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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