Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
