I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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