I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize