ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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