she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
