i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
