if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
