yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
