please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
