Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
MIDGETS
????
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
