who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
